PLZ STOP FEEDIN TEH KATS KTHXBAI.
To the women who keep feeding the cats outside of the old silk vaults next to Cheney Mill Self Storage,
I see you.
[I’m going to insert a photo of the culprits here if I ever remember to take one.]
Please stop feeding the cats. It’s unethical and kind of a nuisance. Even though cats are atrocious spellers, they are entirely capable of feeding themselves, what with their claws, teeth, and ninja skills. I will list my arguments:
- I assume that because you do not feed the cats at your home–I see you drive up in your car–that the cats are not your pets. As such, it concerns me that you may not be providing veterinary care to the cats. If you don’t provide such care, as I suspect, then you are helping a potential disease vector.
- The cats are probably overfed. Besides what they can hunt and scavenge, I’ve seen more than one person feeding them. Overfeeding usually harms living things. Therefore, the cats endure maltreatment at your hands.
- When the cats don’t finish their meals, given the abundance of food, their leftovers attract other animals. A few days ago I noticed a skunk contently grazing from one of the cats’ dishes.
- You annoy me when you get out of your car, in front of my apartment, and start shouting “kitteh” over and over.
- By driving to this location, you increase the consumption of gasoline. You’re helping gasoline prices go up and the air get dirtier.
Ladies, I implore you, find a home for the cats, give them proper veterinary care, and stop wasting gas. Or just stop feeding them if you don’t care enough to really treat them right.
I am considering posting this letter next to the cats’ dishes. Also, I think I should point out the ever useful and fun Lolcat Translator.