Archive for god

There May Just Be a God After All.

Posted in opinion with tags , , , on 2008 May 13 by KLP

When I was in the eighth grade, I went on a field trip to a Mosque in New York City. Once there, we took off our shoes and sat upon the soft carpet within the high-ceilinged, elaborately patterned building. An imam sat down in front of us and did his best to educate us on the rules and customs of Islam and, in accordance with jihad, attempted to convert us. I agreed and disagreed with the various ideas he espoused and ultimately decided that I would keep the religious status I was born into. One of the ideas that I disagreed with was that the tornadoes which caused a lot of damage in the Midwest, just before our visit to the Mosque, where the work of God trying to tell mankind that gays are bad. I disagreed with this notion for several reasons:

  • His argument that gays are bad was based on his belief that nature is full of opposite pairs. His examples upholding the natural arrangement of male and female included positive and negative electric charges, day and night, and that animals never gay it up. The latter point is wrong, and the imam only managed to point out that homosexuals are different and different is never automatically bad.
  • God doesn’t actually have it out for gays because San Francisco still stands while homophobic Jesus-lovin’ Bible belt inhabitants get Dysoned every few weeks each Spring.
  • Bad weather has surely occurred prior to the advent of Homo sapiens.

However, the weather and seismic events that occurred in Burma and China make me consider that divine intervention is afoot. Like I said before, bad weather isn’t new, and neither are earthquakes. It’s the timing of these disasters that makes my ears prick up. In Burma, we have the military junta attempting to tighten its grip on the people by holding a false referendum of an illegitimate constitution. The junta has no intention of changing Burma’s status as a virtual slave state. The recent typhoon has served well to highlight the greed and cruelty of Burma’s leaders as they try to save face. Meanwhile, journalists languish in Chinese prisons, while the government paints a pretty picture of the Olympics and looks away from the atrocities in Darfur and Burma. Perhaps an intelligent designer is trying to point out that the governments in question are up to no good.

Of course, I would never wish such ordeals on anyone and I don’t actually believe that God is intervening. Everything I’ve pointed out is merely circumstantial. That said, there are some problems in the world that need to be fixed. Therefore, I propose the founding of a philanthropic mercenary organization designed to remove cruel and unjust leadership. Bruma’s junta would make a good first mission. Our philanthropist mercenaries would swoop in and quietly subdue and capture the unwitting junta members and promptly liberate Aung San Suu Kyi allowing her to form the government per the election in the early nineties. These events would proceed in a single evening, of course, and the deliverers of justice would certainly wear snazzy uniforms.

Taken from Sillof’s Workshop.

Surely, if any organization is going to be successful at regime change, it would have to be a stylish derivative of the Justice League. Afterall, the job can’t be left up to the likes of Mr. Bush.

In Soviet Russia the Toilet Flushes You!

Posted in adventure, opinion, Photo with tags , , , , , , , , on 2008 March 28 by KLP

I feel as though I’ve taken on too much responsibility this week. I bought renter’s insurance, Alstom is shipping me off to Moscow, CCCP for the week of April 13, I made a claim using said renter’s insurance, and bought a nice suit at Macy’s.

The events concerning the insurance and the toilet reference in the title of this post boggle my mind. I signed for a policy Sunday evening, which I did not previously have, and this morning the toilet backed up, flooded the bathroom, and leaked into the unit downstairs. For serious. Having the foresight to get the policy is just as much an act of God as my crapper rejecting its breakfast. Consider also, that the affected neighbor downstairs enjoys listening to Christian rock in the early morning and late evening, praying out loud, and crying while he does so. He also talks very loudly on the phone for hours about how much he loves God and how his passion makes him a better person than folks like me, who aren’t Jesus freaks. Act of God, indeed.

I am excited about going to Moscow. This adventure will include a lot of firsts for me:

  • I’ve never visited a non-English speaking or non-Spanish speaking country.
  • I’ve never flown for more than about four hours.
  • I’ve never been so far from home.

To clarify that last statement, I’ve never traveled farther north than Toronto, farther south than Belize, farther east than Puerto Rico, or farther west than Las Vegas. That said, I can only imagine visiting Moscow for work related reasons because it really isn’t relevant to me. I certainly respect and appreciate the city’s history, but it’s a history to which I don’t belong. Furthermore, Moscow seems closer to nowhere than I’d travel to for the sake of traveling. I’m also nervous about the trip because it seems like the folks at Alstom’s Russian branch are counting on my expertise on piping analysis. I’m told that I am supposed to answer their questions. I wonder if they have any idea what they are in for.

I hope to take plenty of photos with my new Holga in Moscow. In fact, I hope to take one of a Volga. I will consider the trip wasted if I do not achieve this goal.


Venture Communist. Miscommunications Technologist. Telekommunisten Polemicist. ThoughtWorks Analyst.